


Home for the Holidays

by cajynn



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:31:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14574009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cajynn/pseuds/cajynn
Summary: Newt takes a deep, dramatic breath before saying, “I need to ask you something but you have to promise not to be mad.”Slowly, Hermann puts down his chalk and turns around. He looks at Newt with one eyebrow raised as if to say, “Well? Go on.”Newt’s heart pounds in his chest. Oh God Hermann is gonna be so mad. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Before he can psych himself out too much he speaks in a rush.“So I might have kind of sort of told my dad that we were dating and that you’d be coming home with me for Christmas so can you please be my fake boyfriend for a few days?”Fake dating shenanigans abound.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Why yes, I am writing a Christmas fic in May. I had a desperate need for more fake dating fic, which is how this was born. I hope you enjoy!

Newt doesn’t have a clue how he got into this mess. Okay, that’s a lie. He knows exactly how. His family wouldn’t stop asking him if he was seeing anyone, and in a fit of annoyance he might have said he was dating his lab partner. It worked great at first. No one asked him when he was going to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, no one talked about settling down and starting a family. It was perfect. Until it wasn’t. 

“Will you be home for Christmas?” Newt’s father asks. 

“Yeah, actually. Now that the world isn’t being threatened by giant monsters we get holidays again.” Newt can’t help but chuckle at his own comment. 

“That’s good to hear! And you’ll be bringing Hermann, I assume?”

Newt freezes. He’ll be doing what now? “Uh…”

“I just remembered you said that he’s Jewish and doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I thought he might be free. Everyone wants to meet him. Especially your uncle.”

And that’s what makes Newt say, “Oh yeah of course! Hermann will be there. He’s very excited to meet you all too.” 

“Great! Can’t wait to see you!”

“Yeah me too dad.”

 _Oh God I’m screwed._

...

Newt walks into the lab to see Hermann already writing at his chalkboard. He takes a deep breath and walks over. He can totally do this. He can totally ask Hermann to be his fake Christmas boyfriend for a few days. 

“Hey Herms!”

“Please, Newton, I said I was fine with you using my first name but don’t start with the nicknames,” Hermann replies without even looking away from his work. 

Newt takes a deep, dramatic breath before saying, “I need to ask you something but you have to promise not to be mad.”

Slowly, Hermann puts down his chalk and turns around. He looks at Newt with one eyebrow raised as if to say, “Well? Go on.”

Newt’s heart pounds in his chest. Oh God Hermann is gonna be so mad. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Before he can psych himself out too much he speaks in a rush. 

“So I might have kind of sort of told my dad that we were dating and that you’d be coming home with me for Christmas so can you please be my fake boyfriend for a few days?”

As he speaks he closes his eyes and clenches his fists at his sides, afraid to look Hermann in the eyes. For a long, uncomfortable while, there’s silence. Eventually, Newt opens his eyes and peaks at Hermann. His jaw is on the floor and his cheeks are turning red and oh man if that isn’t the cutest expression Newt has ever seen on Hermann— 

“Hermann?” Newt says quietly. When another moment of silence passes he continues. “You really don’t have to say yes. I shouldn’t have even lied about it in the first place. It was stupid and I totally put you on the spot. Man I’m sorry. You know what? Forget I even asked, I’ll figure out something to tell my dad it’s—“

“I’ll do it.”

“—not a big deal wait what?” 

“I’ll do it. I’ll go with you.”

Hermann’s face is still flushed but his expression is now neutral. 

“You’d really do that for me?” Newt can’t quite believe he’s hearing this. He expected Hermann to be mad, yell, flat out refuse. But he had said yes. 

“Yes. Now please let me get back to wo—”

He’s cut off by Newt’s bear hug. “Thank you so much you’re the best, Herms!”

Newt practically skips all the way back to his desk. He makes sure to not get any of his specimens on Hermann’s side of the lab that day and actually uses his headphones. He doesn’t miss Hermann’s small, brief smile of appreciation. 

...

When they drifted, Newt wasn’t thinking about what it would mean to drift with Hermann. He was a little busy trying to save the world. It wasn’t until after the breach closed and Mako and Raleigh were safe that he could think about the drift. 

He saw quite a bit of Hermann’s past. He saw how he got his leg injury, how much of an asshole his dad really was, how it took a long time for Hermann to feel like he fit in with his peers. Newt knew that last one all too well. Memories weren’t the only thing Newt experienced. He could feel the things that Hermann felt. The pain in his leg, the loneliness growing up, the excitement reading Newt’s letters and the subsequent annoyance when they finally met face to face. 

He was worried that if he was able to get all of that, then Hermann might’ve seen how Newt felt about him. But Hermann never said anything, and Newt was too afraid to ask. They suffered from ghost drifting effects for a few days, which was weird, but once it went away they fell back into their old routine. Their relationship remained strong, and while they still argued, there was an understanding behind it that wasn’t there before. Newt tried not to be disappointed that he never sensed Hermann returning his feelings. 

...

After Hermann agreed to go home with Newt for the holidays, Newt purchases both of their plane tickets. It’s a little pricey since he left it to the last minute, but he figures he owes it to Hermann. 

Newt thinks maybe he and Hermann should practice at being a fake couple, but his nerves get the better of him every time he tries to ask. Instead, they spend the next few days working like normal. Newt has to wonder if Hermann is freaking about this as much as he is. After all, Hermann can't be looking forward to it. He hates public displays of affection, the day the breach was closed being the only exception. Newt worries that Hermann will realize he made a mistake, that Newt was an idiot to ask, and back out completely. 

But, when the day of their flight arrives, Hermann is packed and ready, waiting for the taxi alongside Newt. 

“Hey man, thanks again for doing this.”

“Yes well, you seemed like you could use the help. It’s what friends do right?”

Newt ignores the tightness in his chest at the word friend. 

“Not to mention, I’ve never really gotten the chance to celebrate Christmas, so I’m actually looking forward to this,” Hermann added with a small smile. 

“Well dude, Christmas at the Geiszler’s is awesome. You are gonna get the full Christmas experience!” 

On the way to the airport, Newt assures him that he won’t have to worry about meeting too many new people. “It’ll just be my dad, uncle, my aunt from my stepmom’s side, and her two children. Nothing big.”

“That’s good. I prefer smaller gatherings.”

“Yeah I know. I’ve been in your head.” Newt laughs at his own joke and sees Hermann mouth quirk up into a small smile.

The rest of the ride is spent in silence. It’s early and neither of them feel like talking much. Luckily, leaving this early means that getting through security is relatively painless, and before they know it they’re getting ready to board.

Once they’re on the plane and in their seats, Newt starts fidgeting. It’s not that he’s a nervous flyer. Once the plane takes off he’s fine. But take off, and everything leading up to it, makes him anxious. 

Hermann takes out a book and starts reading. Newt envies his ability to stay calm. 

“Whatcha reading?” Newt asks. 

“A book about string theory,” Hermann says without looking up. 

“Sounds boring.” 

Newt kind of hopes he can get a rise out of him. It might take his mind off of things. But Hermann just scoffs and rolls his eyes before continuing to read. By now, everyone’s settled in their seats and the captain is making an announcement. The plane starts to move and Newt becomes even more restless. His leg bounces and his fingers drum against the arm rest. He tries taking a few deep breaths but it doesn’t seem to help. 

It’s okay. This is fine. All he has to do is get past take off (and hope there isn’t any particularly bad turbulence) and he’ll be fine. Just a few more minutes and he’ll be good. 

Wordlessly and without looking up, Hermann gently grabs Newt’s hand and laces their fingers together. Newt looks at Hermann, a little stunned. 

“Your fidgeting was bothering me,” Hermann mumbles, but there’s no heat to his words. 

Hermann gently strokes his thumb across the top of Newts hand. The touch relaxes him, and he stops fidgeting. Hermann doesn’t let go, even when Newt closes his eyes to sleep. 

... 

Newt wakes up a few hours later with his head on Hermann’s shoulder and still holding his hand. He straightens up and carefully extracts his hand from Hermann’s. Newt looks over at Hermann, who’s still asleep and snoring softly. He knows he’s got a dopey, adoring smile on his face, but he can’t help it. Hermann looks beautiful, and Newt gets to fake date him for the next few days. He doesn’t think about how everything will have to go back to normal once they leave. 

Newt’s tempted to go back to sleep. They won’t land for several more hours. But the jet lag will be a bitch, so he digs around his bag for something to do. His fingers wrap around his now ancient iPod and he takes it out. Somehow, through all these years, he’s managed to keep it working. He puts in his headphones and starts listening to music. He bobs his head and mouths along with the words. He only gets through two songs before getting bored. He plays some games, but after ten minutes he feels himself getting restless. He never liked long flights. He needs to keep busy. Having someone to talk with usually helps, but Hermann is sound asleep next to him. He waits another ten minutes before waking him up.

“W- what?” Hermann says groggily.

Newt smiles at Hermann’s grumpy expression. “I’m bored.”

“And you decided to wake me.” It wasn’t a question. But the usual annoyance in his voice was dampened by sleep.

“Hey, if you sleep too much it’s gonna be a pain to adjust to the time difference. So really I’m doing you a favor.”

“Honestly, Newton-”

“Oh c’mon, Herms. You’re gonna be my fake boyfriend for a few days and you still can’t call me Newt?”

“I don’t see why I would stop calling you Newton just because we’re dating. Fake dating,” he adds after a pause.

“You’re so difficult.” Newt elbows Hermann lightly and flashes a teasing smile.

“You’re one to talk.” Hermann smirks back and Newt finds that he can’t meet his eyes.

“Anyways, I feel like I’m going stir crazy on this flight. I can’t even pace the isle because the fasten seatbelt sign is on.”

“You can purchase wifi, you know. You could watch a movie to pass the time,” Hermann suggests.

“Only if it’s a shitty sci fi one and you watch it with me so we can point out how bad everything is.”

“You would find that enjoyable?” Hermann doesn’t sound all that surprised.

“Are you kidding? Making fun of bad movies is a classic passtime. Come on, it’ll be fun. I’ve got a whole list of them.”

Hermann sighs, a little dramatically if you ask Newt, but agrees. They spend the rest of the flight watching bad movies. Even while watching movies they both think are bad, they still manage to argue over what would improve them. Newt says something that makes Hermann laugh, and he makes his new mission to get Hermann to do that as many times as possible throughout the flight. The announcement of their descent comes way too soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Once the plane lands, Newt and Hermann try to get off as quickly as possible. It helps that they got seats closer to the front of the plane. After that, they collect their bags and hop in another cab. 

Newt is incredibly excited to see his family. He visited a few months back, but it was a short trip, and it wasn’t nearly enough to make up for all the time he spent away during the war. 

“Newton,” Hermann says quietly. 

Newt looks over and sees Hermann staring at his lap. He looks uncomfortable. “What’s up?”

“I thought— maybe we should,” Hermann pauses, trying to find the right words. 

Newt tries not to panic. Maybe Hermann is having second thoughts after all. Maybe he’ll resent Newt for this, rat him out to his family, and find a hotel to stay at for the next few days. 

“We should discuss public displays of affection.” Hermann snaps Newt out of his thoughts. “I realize it will be a part of this… act. But I would like it if we could keep it to a minimum.” Hermann is blushing and won’t look at Newt. 

“Oh yeah, totally dude. It’ll be mostly hand holding, maybe an arm around your shoulder or waist.” Newt licks his lips and asks before he can chicken out. “Would you be comfortable with like, a peck on the cheek? Just like, once, to maybe help sell it a little bit. But only if it’s cool with you, of course.” 

Hermann looks up at him in surprise. “I— I suppose that would be fine, if you feel it would help.”

“Cool! I mean, thanks.” Newt hopes he didn’t sound too excited. 

Newt spends the rest of the ride telling Hermann how much he’s gonna love Christmas at his place. Mostly the food. His uncle is a fantastic cook and makes the best turkey. Like seriously mouth watering stuff. And don’t even get him started on the gravy. 

Before they know it, the cab pulls up to Newt’s family home. They get out and grab their bags and head to the door. Newt rings the doorbell and smiles at Hermann. “Ready to be my fake boyfriend for the next three days?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” To Hermann’s credit, he only sounds a little nervous. 

Newt’s dad opens the door. “Newt! Hermann! Please, come in, come in.” He takes their bags and puts them aside before hugging his son. “It’s good to see you again,” he says before turning his attention to Hermann. “And it’s good to finally meet you!”

Hermann sticks his hands out but Newt’s dad just laughs and brings him in for a hug. Hermann awkwardly pats his back. Newt, naturally, has to laugh. He really should have warned him that he was from a family of huggers. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Jacob,” Hermann says once he extracts himself from the hug. 

“You two must be exhausted after such a long flight. Why don’t you go upstairs and drop your stuff off, relax a little. Your uncle’s been in town since yesterday. He just went out to pick up a few last minute things. He’ll be back in a little bit.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Thanks, dad.”

Newt and Hermann grab their bags and Newt leads him to his old room. Hermann looks around as they walk through the house. The walls are covered in decorations, and the tree is the biggest they’ve ever had. A real one too. Newt huffs out a small laugh when he sees Hermann’s awestruck expression.

“I take it you don’t have this level of decoration for Hanukkah.”

“No, certainly not. I’ve seen how others decorate their houses, but this level is... “ Hermann trails off.

“Excessive?” Newt finishes with a laugh. “Yeah. When I was little the house always looked like this. With the war it wasn’t exactly easy to get into the Christmas spirit. But now that it’s over, I guess they were excited to get back into the swing of things.”

Hermann continues to look around and take everything in. “Yes well, I can hardly blame them.” He smiles, big and genuine, and Newt’s breath catches in his throat. He hopes he’ll get to see that smile again while they’re here.

His room is just the way he remembers, tacky band posters and action figures on every available surface. Newt flops down on the bed and yawns. 

“God I feel so jet lagged. I could sleep for days,” Newt says, only slightly exaggerating his yawn. 

“If you sleep now you’ll never adjust to the time. Wait until tonight.”

Newt sits up on his elbows, ready to argue, but he notices Hermann is standing awkwardly at the edge of the bed. 

“Hey man, if you’re uncomfortable I can take the floor.”

“No,” Hermann responds quickly. “No I can’t ask you to do that.” He pauses and considers the bed. “It’s big enough for the both of us. We’ll make do.” After another pause he adds, “But if you turn out to be a bed hog I will not hesitate to push you off the bed.”

Newt laughs and says, “Yeah right, I’d like to see you try.”

“Don’t test me, Dr. Gieszler,” Hermann says teasingly. 

That tone of voice does things to Newt that he can’t dwell on right now. He sits up and pats the spot next to him. 

“C’mon, sit down and relax a little. We’ve had a long ass trip.”

Hermann’s earlier apprehension seems to have disappeared, and he sits next to Newt. He looks around the room. 

“It’s strange, seeing this in person. I caught glimpses through the drift, but it feels surreal to be here now, staring at a memory that isn’t my own.”

Newt takes in Hermann’s face as he takes in the room. Hermann looks a weird mix of confused and in awe. It’s been months since they drifted, but occasionally they still feel its effects. 

They sit in silence for a while, but it’s comfortable. Mostly. Newt is painfully aware of how close Hermann is to him. He resists the urge to lean his head on Hermann’s shoulder or shift his hand to rest on top of his. He can get away with that in front of the others, but in the privacy of his room there’s no need. He’s so screwed. 

…

After a while, Newt hears the front door open. His uncle is back from the store. He has to stop himself from leaping off the bed and running ahead of Hermann. He’s really missed his uncle, and he’s looking forward to spending time with him. 

“C’mon, you get to meet Uncle Illia! You’ll love him, he’s awesome.” 

Newt waits as patiently as he can for Hermann to get up and follow him out of the room. He takes this opportunity to hold Hermann’s hand. He feels Hermann tense briefly before relaxing into the touch. 

“Uncle Illia! You need any help?” Newt asks when he sees him carrying groceries. 

“No it’s alright, this is all I have. Your dad got the rest.” 

They walk into the kitchen where Jacob is waiting and Newt gives his uncle a hug once he’s set the bags down. 

“It’s good to see you again, Newt. And this must be Hermann! It’s so good to finally meet you! Newt talks about you all the time.”

Newt feels himself blush and returns to Hermann’s side. He wraps his arm around his waist before saying, “Yeah, well, can you blame me?” before smiling up at him. 

Hermann’s blushing furiously, but he manages a smile before turning to Illia. “It’s good to meet you too.” 

Hermann seems to realize that he hasn’t reciprocated Newt’s gesture and wraps a tentative arm around him as well. Newt’s heart hammers in his chest and he’s certain everyone in the room can hear it. He resists the urge to do something stupid like lean even further into Hermann or, even worse, stroke his side. He doesn’t want to make Hermann to uncomfortable. 

Newt watches his uncle and dad start to put away the groceries and goes to help. 

“No, no,” his uncle says, waving him off. “You two sit, we’ll take care of this and start making dinner. I’m sure you’re starving.”

As if on cue, both Newt and Hermann’s stomachs growl loudly. They sit down at the table and chat. 

“So, Hermann,” Newt’s uncle says, “Newt tells me this will be your first official Christmas.”

“Yes. I grew up in a Jewish household so we never celebrated. I have always enjoyed the aesthetic though. Admittedly I… sometimes felt like maybe I was missing out on something as a child.”

“Well, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, we go all out here. Speaking of which, Newt can you turn on some music?” Newt gets up to fuss with the stereo. Soon, the room fills with festive music.

“Well, Newt,” Illia continues, “looks like you’ll finally get that kiss under the mistletoe.” He punctuates his sentence with a wink.

Newt rubs the back of his neck as he watches Hermann turn beat red. “I suppose so,” he says with a small chuckle.

As Newt’s uncle and dad cook, they ask Hermann about his family and life at the shatterdome. Hermann seems thankful for the change of topic, and answers questions easily. As they talk, Newt can’t take his eyes off of Hermann. He’s smiling and laughing. He’s making his family smile and laugh. He’s never seen Hermann this comfortable around people he’s just met. It makes Newt’s heart swell, knowing his family likes him and he likes his family. He lets himself forget, for a moment, that this is all an act. 

After dinner, Hermann and Newt insist on doing the clean up. By the time they’re done, it’s late evening. Newt tries, and fails, to stifle a yawn. Hermann notices and lets out a yawn of his own.

“You boys are probably exhausted,” Jacob says. “Go on and get some rest. Your aunt and cousins will be coming tomorrow.”

“Alright, see you in the morning.”

Newt and Hermann retire to their room for the night.

“The bathroom is down the hall if you want to shower before bed,” Newt says, kicking off his shoes and flopping onto the bed.

“Thank you, I think I will. A shower sounds lovely.” Hermann gathers his things and leaves the room.

Newt sighs and stares up at the ceiling. Today went well, but tomorrow would be more difficult when his aunt visits. He’s looking forward to catching up, of course, but she will almost certainly want to hear about their relationship in great detail. They should come up with some stories before they go to bed. 

Eventually, Hermann returns, showered and ready for bed. Newt didn’t bother to hold back a laugh at Hermann’s pajamas. A long sleeve, light blue button up with matching pants. He even looked like an old man when he was going to bed.

“Dude, you’re missing your nightcap,” he says between giggle.

Hermann glares at him. “Oh shut up. At least I have a proper set of sleepwear, unlike you.”

“Sweats and a old shirt are perfectly acceptable clothes to sleep in. And I figured you’d prefer this to just my boxers.” Newt smirks at him, enjoying the way Hermann gets so easily flustered.

“Yes, well. Just keep to your side of the bed,” Hermann replies, walking to the bed and climbing under the covers.

“Yeah, yeah. You know, though, I’ve been told I’m a great cuddler.”

Hermann responds by throwing a pillow at his face. Newt just laughs and crawls into bed next to him. The room falls silent and Newt is suddenly painfully aware of how close they are. He has to resist the urge to reach over and drape his arm around Hermann.

“Oh, by the way,” Newt starts, unable to lie in the silence for long, “my aunt will probably ask a lot of questions about us tomorrow. It’s kind of what she does. I’ve kept details vague so far. But I did say we started dating after the war. I thought about just winging it tomorrow but maybe we should come up with some stories? Or something.” Newt trails off when he realizes he’s started to ramble.

“Newton.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m exhausted. I’m sure you are too. Let’s just go to sleep and worry about this tomorrow.”

“Yeah, alright. Sounds good.”

The room is silent once more, and Newt is alone with his thoughts. He does his best to stay still as he tries to fall asleep. He’s always been prone to tossing and turning. Hermann is facing away from him. Newt turns so he’s facing the back of his head. The nape of his neck is slightly exposed. Newt imagines what it would be like to lean in and kiss him there. He thinks about Hermann letting out a small gasp before melting into the touch. 

No. No, this is dangerous territory. He can’t get caught up in these thoughts. If he does, he might do something really stupid, like act on them. He turns so he’s facing away from Hermann and shuts his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of smut for everyone ;)
> 
> A big thank you to Morgan for being my beta and giving me some helpful advice! <3

When Newt wakes up, he opens his eyes to Hermann’s sleeping face, inches from his own. Newt holds his breath and doesn’t dare move. Hermann snores lightly and a small puddle of drool has collected on his pillow. He really has no business being this cute. He shifts closer to Newt in his sleep, trying to leech off of his warmth. Newt’s heart hammers in his chest. He wants so desperately to wrap Hermann in his arms, but he can’t risk waking him that way.

Instead, he turns around carefully, so he doesn’t wake Hermann, and checks his phone. The screen reads five thirty, way too early for any human being to be awake. But then again, they did go to bed much earlier than either of them had in a long while. Hermann will likely be up soon, too. 

Hermann shifts again and lets out a small, breathy moan. Newt freezes. He waits a moment, silently hoping he’ll hear that noise again. Hermann lets out a whimper and Newt nearly mimics the noise. This is too much. He needs to get out of there. 

He gathers his clothes and heads to the bathroom. When he steps under the stream, he sighs in relief. It’s been so long since he’s had a shower with decent water pressure. The showers at the shatterdome are awful and they only have two settings, freezing cold or scalding hot. 

The noises Hermann made echo in Newt’s mind and his cock twitches in interest. It only takes a few strokes to bring himself to full hardness. He braces himself against the wall with his free hand and thinks about Hermann. He thinks about being the one to elicit those noises. He entertains his earlier fantasy of kissing the back of Hermann’s neck. He’d nip him gently and Hermann would shiver and whimper underneath his touch. 

Newt grips the base of his cock to keep himself from coming too quickly. He imagines Hermann would be the type to tease, make him beg. He trails his fingertips along his shaft and whimpers. 

“Do you want more, Newton?” fantasy Hermann asks.

“ _Yes_ ,” Newt moans out loud.

“Do you deserve more?”

Newt nods frantically. “Yes. Please. I’ve been so good.”

Newt starts stroking himself again as the Hermann in his fantasy does the same. He thinks about kissing him, about the filthy noises they’d both make. Newt speeds up his strokes, hips canting into the touch. He bites his lip to hold back a moan. He doesn’t want this to end yet. He wants to keep dragging it out. But scenario after scenario flit through his mind and he’s so, so close. Eventually, he lands on a fantasy that he’s indulged in on more than one occasion.

He’s on his knees, sucking Hermann off. He moans around his cock, and Hermann is making those same noises as he grips Newt’s hair. When he imagines Hermann moaning his name, he comes. He works himself through it, then works himself even more, dragging out the fantasy by imagining Hermann overstimulating him. He whimpers Hermann’s name and let’s go of his cock. 

He catches his breath before quickly finishing up his shower. He dresses and returns to his room where Hermann is now awake and reading. Hermann glances up from behind his glasses and Newt can’t meet his eyes. He’s sure if he does Hermann will know he just jerked off to the thought of him. 

“Good morning, Newton.”

“Morning,” Newt mumbles. “Bathroom’s free.”

Hermann gets up and grabs his things before stepping out. Newt lets out a heavy sigh once the door closes behind him. Okay, time for a game plan. They’ve still got a few hours before his aunt arrives. When Hermann comes back they’ll make up some stories so they have something to appease her.

As soon as Hermann is back Newt starts talking. “Okay, so, we gotta make sure we’re on the same page with everything so when my aunt starts asking questions, we won’t look like idiots.” Hermann scrunches up his nose to show his displeasure at the idea of him looking like an idiot. “I figure the more we stick to the truth the better. We don’t have to lie about how we met. We probably don’t even have to make up a bunch of dates since we don’t get to leave the shatterdome all that often. But we should probably have one good date story.”

Hermann considers what Newt is saying. After a moment, he says, “Well, after the war we did go out to that one dumpling place that miraculously stayed in tact. We could just say it was a date and keep most of the details the same.”

“Oh yeah that’s perfect!”

“She’ll… she’ll likely ask about our first kiss, or how we got together. What’s our story for that?”

“Oh that’s easy. We saved the world and got so caught up in the joy and relief it just kinda, happened.” Newt doesn’t say that this is how he’s imagined that night going. He doesn’t say how he kicks himself to this day for not making a move and taking a chance.

Hermann hums, oblivious to Newt’s internal crisis. “Sounds simple enough. And we do spend time together outside the lab. We can probably twist those times into some semblance of dates.”

“Yeah, yeah that’ll work.”

They fall silent for a moment, not sure if they should keep discussing this or leave at at what they have. For once, it’s Hermann to break the silence.

“Please tell me you have tea in this house.”

Newt laughs and says “I made sure my dad got a box of earl gray just for you. C’mon, I would kill for some coffee right now.”

They head to the kitchen. Hermann seems relieved to see no one else is awake yet. Newt tries not to be disappointed.

“Take a seat, I’ll get everything going.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s what any good boyfriend would do,” he says with a wink. 

“That word is so juvenile,” Hermann says, wrinkling his nose.

Newt can’t help it when he says, “Oh sorry, lover.”

Hermann sputters and turns bright red. Newt laughs.

“Oh man,” he says once he catches his breath, wiping tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry dude but sometimes it’s just too easy to mess with you.”

Hermann just glares at him in response.

Just then, Jacob comes into the kitchen. “Good morning. How’d you boys sleep?”

“Mornin’! I slept like a baby. That bed is so much better than the ones at the ‘dome.”

“Yes, it was much more comfortable than I’m used to,” Hermann adds, nodding towards Jacob as he takes a seat at the table. 

The kettle whistles and Newt grabs a mug for Hermann. One of the perks of drifting is that he knows exactly how Hermann likes it, two spoons of sugar and more milk than any respectable Brit would have. Despite his stuffy grandpa persona, he has the sweet tooth of a five year old.

He walks it over to Hermann, setting it down in front of him and using this opportunity to briefly card his fingers through his hair before returning to the coffee maker to make himself a cup. He thinks Hermann might have actually leaned into the touch, but it was too quick for him to tell.

Once Newt has his cup he settles in his seat next to Hermann. They chat with Jacob for a while, and Illia joins the conversation once he wakes up. The conversation is comfortable, and as they talk, Newt uses this as an opportunity to get some casual touches in. He gently places a hand on Hermann’s arm. He tries running his fingers through Hermann’s hair again, a little slower, and yep Hermann definitely leans into the touch that time. Hermann doesn’t reach out to touch Newt at all, but he gives him fond smiles at all the appropriate moments, and Newt melts. 

He tries to enjoy this. He tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut, the voice in his head telling him that this is just an act; it isn’t real. But he can’t. It hurts to see Hermann look at him like he’s always wanted when he doesn’t even mean it. Newt really should have thought this through. 

Breakfast passes in a blur. His uncle cooks, they clean up just like last time. Newt stops reaching out to touch him. Hermann continues to smile at him like he might actually love him and Newt’s heart threatens to break. Once they finish, Newt suggests they watch some TV to pass the time. 

Hermann agrees and joins Newt on the couch. Newt pushes back his feelings and leans against Hermann. It would definitely look weird if they sat there without any physical contact, and Newt wanted this, not matter how much it hurt. Hermann pauses a moment before putting an arm around Newt. 

“You’re uncle and I are going to pick up your aunt at the airport,” Jacob says with a knowing smile.

“Okay,” Newt says, giving a small wave. 

Once the front door closes, Newt pulls back, but stays close enough so their shoulders touch.

“You seem more comfortable today,” he says, trying to make light conversation.

Hermann’s cheeks go pink and he says, “Yes, well, I suppose I’ve adjusted a bit.”

“Well that’s good, because we’re probably gonna have to play it up a bit when my aunt comes.” When Hermann only hums in response he says, “I’ll probably have to cash in that cheek kiss.”

Hermann keeps his eyes glued to the screen and mutters, “If you must.”

Newt grabs the remote and starts flipping through channels. Eventually, it lands on food network and he settles in.

“You’re joking,” Hermann says, finally looking at Newt to give him a disapproving look.

“Nope. I love this shit. I get inspiration for cooking.”

“Newton, you don’t know how to cook.”

“Yeah well it wasn’t really a priority when the world was ending. But now that that’s over I can learn!”

Hermann looks doubtful, and now Newt really wants to learn just to shove it in his face. They continue to bicker about Newt’s cooking ability for a while. Newt ends the argument by telling Hermann to shut up and listen to Guy Fieri. The bickering stops, but Hermann insists on making disapproving comments just to be contrary.

As they sit there, Newt thinks about cuddling Hermann again. It’d be so easy. They’re already close, never having moved farther away, even during their bickering. And, he reasons, it’d probably look better if his family found them cuddling on the couch like they had been before they left. Newt throws caution to the wind and leans his head on Hermann’s shoulder. When Hermann doesn’t react, Newt tucks his feet under him and adjusts so he’s more comfortable. Hermann does react this time, moving his arm so it isn’t pinned under Newt. He holds it up awkwardly, unsure of what to do with it for a moment, before draping it around Newt like before. They stay like that until they hear the front door open.

_Alright_ , Newt thinks. _Show time._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I had a lot of fun writing this one. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Another big shout out to Morgan for proofreading <3

As Newt’s aunt comes into view, he gets up to greet her with a hug. 

“Hi, Aunt Matilda. Hey, Zoe. Hey, Charlie.” 

He gives a short nod to his cousins. He doesn’t know them all that well since he’d been holed away in different shatterdomes during the war. But he hears Zoe is studying biology and feels a swell of pride at that. Charlie is just starting high school, so he has no idea if he’s going to connect with this kid. He seems more interested in his phone than anything else. 

Hermann introduces himself, extending a hand even though he’s likely in for another hug. Sure enough, Matilda wraps him in her arms. 

“Hermann! I’ve heard so much about you. I can’t wait to hear all about you and my little Newton.”

Hermann, Newt, and Matilda take a seat at the kitchen table while Zoe, Charlie, and Illia sit on the couch and catch up. Jacob puts on a pot of coffee before joining his niece and nephew in the family room. 

“So,” Newt’s aunt begins, “Jacob told me that you’ve known each other for 10 years now. How’d you two meet?”

“We were actually pen pals for the first two years, believe it or not,” Newt says. 

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I saw that Hermann was doing some really cool research on the breach and I just had to talk to him about it.”

“Yes,” Hermann jumps in, “handwritten and everything. It was a smart move, on Newton’s part. I may have ignored an email at the time, but receiving an actual letter intrigued me.”

“Oh how romantic!” Matilda chimes in. 

Newt laughs. “Well, not yet. Not even close, really. We wrote back and forth for two years, finally switching to email after about a year. It was incredible really, to finally have someone that could keep up with me, even with our different fields. But after two years, we decided to meet in person, and it was a disaster.”

“What happened?” Matilda asks, eyes wide, clearly already captivated by their story. Newt always did appreciate that about her. She’s attentive not because she has to be, but because she’s always genuinely interested in what you have to say. 

Hermann picks the story back up. “We hated each other. I thought Newton was incredibly unprofessional and much too flippant about the kaiju and the threat we faced. An incorrect impression, of course, but one I had nonetheless.”

“And _I_ thought Hermann was too stuffy and uptight. I was crushed, honestly. Here I thought I finally found someone who understood me, who was gonna understand why I chose to present myself the way that I did, and I was being rejected.”

Newt pauses and looks at Hermann, who’s giving him a small, sad smile. It’s not like they didn’t know these things. The drift allowed them to see all of this. But they’ve never talked about it before, not with each other and certainly not with anyone else. It feels strange, and oddly cathartic, to talk about it now.

“Anyways,” Newt continues, “we went our separate ways until we met back up at the Hong Kong shatterdome in 2020. We had to share a lab, which was a nightmare at first.”

“We were certainly not happy with the arrangement. At one point I divided the lab in half, though I should have known that wouldn’t keep Newton on his side. I think it only made him more determined to get in my space.”

Newt laughs fondly at the memory, and Hermann smiles at him _like that_ again. 

“We really were petty back then. Hermann likes to think he’s above it all, but he gave just as good as he got. Still does.” Newt nudges Hermann playfully.

Matilda smiles warmly at them. “That’s how you know you’ve found a winner, when someone can keep up with you through it all.”

Newt can’t ignore the twisting in his gut when she says that. Hermann has always been able to keep up with him. Hermann’s brilliance shines through in everything he does, but nothing compares to when they bicker, when they challenge their theories and each other. It’s exhilarating, and it’s really no wonder he fell in love.

Zoe walks up then, Charlie right behind her. “Hey, Newt.”

“Hey Zoe! It’s been way too long. I hear you’re studying biology.”

“Yeah! Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. Your work is super cool, and I’d love to learn more about Kaiju. We’re not interrupting or anything are we?” she asks, turning to her mom.

“Go right ahead,” she responds, getting up to sit with Illia and Jacob.

Newt thinks he could cry. “Finally, another intelectual in this family.” Hermann scoffs and Newt whips around to glare at him.

Zoe looks over at Charlie and elbows him when he doesn’t say anything.

She looks at Hermann before saying, “Charlie here is interested in astronomy but doesn’t have the best relationship with math. He thought that you might be able to make it seem a little less scary.”

“Zoe!”

Zoe just laughs. Hermann immediately perks up at the mention of space and math.

“I’d be happy to talk with you,” he says with a smile.

The siblings take a seat and Newt leans over to Charlie to say, “For the record, he’s not one of the best, he is the best.”

Both pairs quickly get lost in their conversations. It’s very apparent that Zoe is a bright kid. Newt knows she’s going to go on to do great things. It feels good to talk and get to know her. He glances over at Charlie and chuckles to himself when he sees the star struck look in his eyes. Same, kid. He flicks his eyes over to Hermann, who’s very animated, clearly excited to discuss his passions. He thinks Hermann should go into academia. He’d thrive there. 

Newt’s not sure how long they sit there talking. At some point, someone turns on Christmas music. There’s a lull in the conversation and Baby It’s Cold Outside starts playing. Newt immediately starts singing the guy’s parts, pointing to Hermann to chime in for the woman’s. Hermann looks confused at first, then mildly embarrassed when Newt leans over and clasps his hands and sings, “I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice.”

After a beat, he says, “C’mon, Herms. I know you know the words. I would blast Christmas music in the lab all the time, there’s no way you haven’t learned this one over the years.”

Newt continues singing with, “Baby, it’s bad out there,” and points again. Hermann attempts to mumble along to the lyrics, but when Newt sings, “No catch to be had out there,” Hermann chimes in with a quiet, but more confident, “I wish I knew how.”

They continue to sing the duet. Newt’s still holding onto Hermann’s hands, enjoying himself way more than he should. Hermann gains confidence at the song goes on, only faltering slightly when Newt sings, “Gosh your lips looks delicious.” 

As they bring the song to a close, Newt thinks how well this song suits them. It’s reminicent of they way the often bicker, doing it just to be contrary rather than out of any real disagreement most times. Newt smiles brightly at Hermann, and Hermann smiles back in return. It’s a genuine, beaming smile and Newt’s thankful he’s sitting because he goes weak in the knees. They’re snapped out of the moment when they hear applause from everyone. 

“That was pretty good, you two,” Illia says.

“Oh please, my voice is atrocious,” Hermann says, trying to wave him off and hide a blush. “Newt’s the one with real talent.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you both sounded great,” Matilda says.

Newt turns back to Hermann and realizes that they’re still holding hands. He means to let go, but when he sees a flutter of white out of the corner of his eyes, he squeezes them tighter and yells, “Snow!”

He tugs Hermann out of his seat, waiting long enough for him to grab his cane before dragging him outside. He hasn’t seen snow in years and he feels giddy. He spreads his arms out and twirls around, sticking his tongue out to catch the snowflakes.

“Isn’t this awesome, Herms? It’s been forever since we’ve seen snow. I hope it keeps snowing. We could have a white Christmas!”

The backyard is already coated in a light dusting of white. Hermann holds out his hand and watches as the snow melts on his palm. Newt stops spinning and stares. Snow falls around Hermann and dusts his hair, and Newt thinks he’s never seen him look more beautiful.

“Hermann,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. Hermann hears him anyway, and looks up. Newt feels overwhelmed with emotion, like he’ll explode if he doesn’t tell Hermann he loves him right then and there. But before he can get another word out, his uncle comes to the door and calls out.

“Hey you two, I’m sure you’re having a great time, but you’re not exactly dressed for snow. Come inside, we’ll make some hot chocolate.”

The moment passes, and Newt and Hermann do as their told. Newt’s face flushes when he realizes what he almost did. He’s such an idiot. What good would it do to bare his soul when he knows he’d only be met with rejection? He silently thanks his uncle for stepping in when he did.

Illia gets to making everyone hot chocolate, which Hermann is more than a little excited for. Once they have their mugs, everyone sits down and finds something to watch on TV. They move to the side while everyone is preoccupied so they can speak in private. Newt curls his pinky around Hermann’s and swings they’re arms slightly. 

“This isn’t so bad, is it?” Newt asks. He tries to smile playfully but there’s genuine concern behind the question. 

“It… hasn’t been completely awful I will admit,” Hermann replies, smiling reassuringly at Newt.

Just then, Newt’s aunt clears her throat loudly. They look at her, and she glances above their heads. Mistletoe. 

Newt’s heart thuds in his chest. His aunt is smiling at them expectantly. Hermann looks at the ground, almost like he hopes it will open up and swallow him whole. The way Newt sees it, he has two options. One, fake an emergency and bolt, which probably won’t fly and would make everyone suspicious. Two, cash in that peck on the cheek. Hermann did say it was okay, and it’s the more attractive option by far. Okay, Newt and Hermann are about to have their first kiss. Well, sort of. 

Newt steels himself and stands on his toes so he can reach Hermann’s cheek. It’s a chaste kiss, over much too quickly for Newt’s liking. Hermann seems startled by the action, but doesn’t move away. Newt searches his face for any sign of disgust but only sees some embarrassment and something else he can’t quite define. His aunt looks satisfied and walks off.

Hermann is frozen to the spot. Normally, Newt would laugh or make a some sort of joke about Hermann short circuiting, but he’s like this because Newt kissed him. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t sting.

“Hey Herms, you alright?” he asks instead.

“Huh? Oh, yes, I’m fine, thank you.” He still won’t meet Newt’s eyes. “I ah, think I’m going to lie down for a bit. Excuse me.”

Hermann leaves and it takes all of Newt’s will power not to follow him. _Damnit_. He fucked up. Hermann probably said it was okay just to be polite. Maybe he didn’t expect this to come up at all. This whole thing was a mistake. He can’t stand the thought of Hermann being uncomfortable around him. If he just fucked up their relationship for good he’s not sure what he’ll do. He made his peace with his unrequited love but it only works because they’re friends, because they’ve developed something that works for them. Now, Newt fears it will all collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on twitter @cajynn!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks! Wow sorry this update took a while, but I have not forgotten about this fic! We've still got a few more chapters to go, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for more!

Newt sits down with his family in the living room. They’ve put on the hallmark channel and Newt can’t even bring himself to make a snarky remark about it. 

“Where’s Hermann?” Charlie asks. 

“Oh, he has a headache so he went to go take a nap,” Newt lies, fighting the urge to go see him. “I told him I’d wake him before dinner.”

Newt tries to pay attention to the movie. He came in after it started, but it becomes clear soon enough that the two main characters have entered an agreement to have a fake relationship. Newt feels his stomach twist into a knot. He only sits there for a few more minutes before he needs to leave. 

He gets up and mumbles something about being bored and going for a walk. He grabs his coat and heads out. The snow is barely coming down now, but there’s still a decent amount covering the ground. 

Newt walks, lost in his own thoughts. He’s always been reckless. He never thinks things through. It’s what almost got him killed when he drifted with that kaiju. But his recklessness saved the world then. It was a necessary risk. But this… This is so much worse. This time he’s jeopardized his relationship with Hermann. 

Hermann, the only man who’s been a true friend to him all these years. Hermann, who’s quick wit and sharp tongue kept him sane during the war. Hermann, the man he’s in love with.

He feels a familiar stinging in the back of his eyes as he fights back the tears. 

He walks aimlessly for a while, the chill seeping into his bones. He stops when he comes up to an empty park. He heads towards the swing and wipes off the snow that’s built up on the seat before sitting down. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s sat on a swing. At first, he just pushes himself lightly with his toes on the ground. But after a while he gains momentum, pushing himself until he’s swinging like he’s a kid again, seeing how high he can get. 

He doesn’t think, just enjoys the cold wind in his face and the thrill of going just a little too high. It’s freeing, and for a while he forgets about his family, about Hermann, and just focuses on the icy wind in his face. He stays there until he feels his fingertips start to go numb, and then he stays there for a few moments longer before dismounting and making his way back home.

**

When Newton gets home, dinner is almost ready. He makes a beeline for the lit fireplace, still shivering from the cold. He doesn’t see Hermann,  
which likely means he’s still upstairs. Illia confirms his suspicion. 

“You should go wake up Hermann, dinner will be ready soon.”

Newt leaves the room wordlessly, heart pounding in his chest. 

When he goes into their room, Hermann is sitting on the bed, reading. 

“Uh. Hey,” Newt says sheepishly. 

“Newton.” Hermann pauses. He looks like he wants to say something else. “I-“

Newt cuts him off before he can continue. “Look, dude, I’m sorry about earlier. The last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable, especially since you’re doing me such a big favor. I know being here and having to be my fake boyfriend kinda sucks, and I don’t want you to hate me at the end of all of this…” Newt trails off at the end, unable to meet Hermann’s eyes. He’s afraid that Hermann will agree, and confirm once and for all he has no desire to be with him. 

“I should be the one to apologize.” This makes Newt look up. “I was… surprised by the kiss, and acted childishly. I told you it was okay and I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to come here. And… I could never hate you, Newton. I thought you would know that by now.” Now it’s Hermann’s turn to avoid eye contact. 

Relief floods Newt. Hermann doesn’t hate him. 

“Good. That’s good.” 

Hermann finally looks up and offers Newt a small smile, which he returns. 

“C’mon, let's go downstairs. Dinner’s almost ready. Oh and I told everyone you were taking a nap, so just roll with that.”

Hermann gets up and joins Newt, intertwining their fingers before heading out of the room. Newt is surprised by his initiative, but he doesn’t mention it. And if he leans into Hermann a little more than necessary, he doesn’t mention it either.

“There you are!” Newt’s aunt says, waving them over. “Come sit.”

They take their seats, and Newt prepares himself for the onslaught of questions. To Newt’s surprise, it’s Zoe who chimes in first.

“So, what was it like working in the shatterdome while everything was going on?”

“It depended on the day, honestly,” Newt answers. “Sometimes everyone would be non stop, working frantically and running on fumes and coffee. But honestly the days where there wasn’t anything to do were the worst. You were either bored out of your of your mind or so stressed and anxious about the next attack that you wished you had something to do.” Hermann starts rubbing his thumb along Newt’s hand comfortingly as he speaks. “Honestly I don’t think I could’ve gotten through it if Hermann weren’t always by my side,” Newt continues, smiling up at Hermann.

Hermann blushes and says, “You make it sound like we weren’t bickering nearly the entire time.”

“Hey man, sometimes our fights were the only thing keeping me going.” Newt turns to address the table once before before continuing. “I mean, I know that sounds crazy, but when you’re arguing with a guy as smart and quick witted as he is, it’s pretty exhilarating.”

“You two really fought all the time?” Charlie asks, clearly surprised.

Newt laughs and says, “Oh my God, yeah. You do not wanna piss this guy off when he has chalk in his hand. His accuracy is deadly.”

“Hermann!” Matilda exclaims, trying to feign horror but unable to stifle her laughter.

“Oh I totally deserved it. I think I had that saxophone video on a ten hour loop. Honestly I’m surprised it took Hermann nearly two hours before he snapped.”

“I am nothing if not resilient,” Hermann replies, eliciting more laughter from the table.

“What’s the worst fight you’ve ever had?” Charlie asks.

“Charlie!” Matilda gives her son a stern look.

“No it’s alright. That’s actually a pretty good question,” Newt responds with a small laugh. He looks at Hermann, who immediately looks embarrassed. “Oh wait, I know.”

Hermann groans, clearly not wanting to relive this moment, but it only seems to make everyone even more curious.

“Okay, so,” Newt begins, with his usual dramatic flare, “it started out like most of our arguments do. I was minding my own business and Hermann decided he had to yell at me for somethi- Ow!” He’s interrupted when Hermann elbows him. “Okay, okay. So I might have been singing a tad louder than was strictly necessary, but in my defense my voice is great so really I was providing a service.” Another elbow in his side. 

“Anyways, Hermann was on my side of the lab, for once, waving his cane around for emphasis or whatever, and knocks over this little model jaeger that Mako built me. It went flying and just, shattered completely. It was honestly one of my most treasured possessions, and I don’t think I’d ever been so upset with Hermann in my life.”

He pauses to look at Hermann who looks just as apologetic as he did back then. Newt gives him a reassuring smile before continuing. 

“I was like ‘Get out, and stay the hell away from my side of the lab!’ I didn’t talk to Hermann for an entire week after that. Thinking back I kinda feel bad, because Hermann looked like a kicked puppy, and any time he would try and apologize I would just ignore him or leave.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous,” Hermann interrupts. “It was my fault and you had every right to be mad.”

“Yeah but no one deserves the silent treatment for an entire week, Herms. That’s just cruel.”

“So how did you two make up?” Zoe asks, completely invested in the story. So is everyone else, judging by the way they’re wide eyed and leaning in.

“This is the best part of the whole story. Why don’t you tell it, Herms?”

“Oh, well alright. After the first few days, I realized that I needed to something. So, I sought out Mako, and explained to her what happened. She was also upset with me, but when I asked her if we could make another one, together, she seemed to think it was a good idea. 

“Now, Mako expected to just make another model like the one before it, but I felt the need to something more. So, with our combined engineering expertise, we build a model that could actually sheath and unsheath a sword, as well as swing it.”

Hermann turns to Newt. “I was actually incredibly nervous to give it to you. I thought you wouldn’t like it or be insulted by the gesture.”

“Yeah dude, you were shaking like a leaf when you gave it to me.” Newt turns back to the others. “But I loved it. I actually teared up a little bit. And it still sits on my desk to this day as my current most treasured possession.”

The conversation is steered away from them after that, and Newt gets a chance to find out what everyone else has been up to. Illia still fishes in his spare time, and Jacob has started giving piano lessons again since the end of the war. Last Newt had heard, Matilda was working some office job, but has recently opened her own bakery. Apparently she plans on making a special dessert for everyone tomorrow, and Newt honestly can’t wait. Zoe talks about her college classes, and Charlie mentions how he wants to go to MIT just like Newt, who definitely doesn’t tear up when he says that.

But it doesn’t take long for the focus to once again fall on Newt and Hermann.

“I have a question,” Illia says. “This one’s for Hermann, only because I think I know what Newt’s answer is.” Illia gives Newt a playful wink. “When was the moment you realized you were in love?”

Time stops for a moment. Newt can’t even bring himself to try and brush of his uncle’s question. His uncle probably does know his answer, even though he’s never said anything. He talked about Hermann non stop, day in and day out when they started writing to each other. He fell in love long before that first meeting, and it probably showed. But now Hermann has come up with an answer, has to lie. He and Hermann never discussed that particular question, didn’t think it would come up, to be quite honest. But now it has, and Newt hopes that it doesn’t take too long for him to think of an answer.

“Well, uh,” Hermann starts. He looks at Newt, and Newt hopes he doesn’t look as distraught as he feels. Something flashes in Hermann’s eyes, something Newt can’t identify, and Hermann looks away before he can. What he says next is not what Newt expected.

“If I’m being honest, it wasn’t too long after we started our correspondence. I… hadn’t felt that close to anyone in years. He was brilliant. He challenged me in a way that no one else could, and sometimes those letters were the only thing that kept me going. It all felt so helpless, back then, but even when everything else felt unpredictable, and my equations didn’t work, Newton remained constant. And I remain grateful for him to this day.” 

Hermann looks at Newton again, pink in the face and smiling slightly. Newt can feel tears threatening to spill. He’s frozen in place, and his heart aches. It aches because he so desperately wants it to be real. It aches because he knows it isn’t.

Newt needs to get out of there. He stands abruptly, knocking into the table as he does. 

“Excuse me,” he mumbles, before practically dashing out of the kitchen and out the front door. He starts walking in a random direction, not caring where he goes as long it’s away from the house. He hears a voice calling out to him. It’s Hermann. Newt doesn’t turn around, but he does stop so Hermann catch up.

“Newton! What’s wrong?” Hermann asks, and there’s so much concern, so much sincerity that Newt does start to cry.

Hermann places his hand on Newt’s arm but he shakes it off. 

“Just- just go back, dude. I’ll figure out an explanation for everyone later. I need to be alone.”

“Newton-”

“Please,” Newt cuts him off. “Just go.”

Newt refuses to meet Hermann’s eyes. Instead, he stares at Hermann’s feet, waiting for him to walk away before he continues in the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I live for your feedback!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! ;)
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, even if it did take me longer than I expected. Just one more to go! Thanks so much for reading :)

Newt doesn’t go to the park this time. He walks for as long as he can stand the cold, and then ducks into a nearby coffee shop when his joints threaten to stop moving all together. He orders a coffee before finding a seat, but he barely touches it. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and turns it off without even looking. 

This is all Newt’s fault. He never should have invited Hermann. He never should have lied to his family. He wants to be angry at Hermann for what he said, for making him feel like this. But he can’t. Hermann couldn’t know the effect his words had. He was just being a good friend, helping Newt sell the lie for his family. And really, that’s what makes this hurt so much more. 

Newt stays in the coffee shop until it closes and they have to kick him out. It’s dark out, and Newt is far from home, but if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s prolonging the inevitable. So instead of calling a cab-- and risking seeing all of his missed calls and messages-- he walks. 

When he gets home, he enters quietly, not wanting to wake anyone. But, as luck would have it, his uncle sits in the living room, waiting. Once Newt is inside, Illia hugs him tightly. When he pulls back, Newt offers a shaky smile.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. Just, uh, just a bad anxiety attack. I needed to be alone for a bit.”

Illia looks skeptical, but doesn’t press the issue. “Well, I’m glad you’re home safe. You had all of us really worried. Especially Hermann.”

Shit. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone worry. Is everyone else asleep?”

“Yeah. If I see them before you tomorrow morning, I’ll explain what happened, tell them not to bombard you with any questions.”

Newt smiles genuinely then. “Thank you.” He hugs his uncle again and says. “We should probably go to bed, it’s late, and I gotta apologize to Hermann.” Newt really isn’t looking forward to that conversation.

“Good idea. Goodnight, Newt.”

Newt makes his way to the bedroom, taking a deep breath before opening the door. He half expects Hermann to be asleep, but he finds him sitting on the bed, facing away from him. He doesn’t hear Newt come in, and startles when Newt lets out a small, “Hey.”

Hermann turns to him, and his eyes are red and puffy. Was he… had he been crying? Oh Newt really fucked things up this time.

“I’m sorry,” they both blurt out at the same time.

Hermann looks as confused as Newt feels. 

“Dude, why are _you_ apologizing?” Newt asks.

“I- because of what I said at dinner,” Hermann says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I clearly overstepped my bounds and made you uncomfortable with what I said. Newton, you must understand that I never intended to do that. I- I only…” Hermann trails off.

Before he can continue, Newt laughs. He doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t. But it’s late, he’s tired, and he’s so caught off guard by Hermann apologizing. Hermann’s gaze hardens, and it’s enough to sober Newt, but it takes a moment for the giggles to die down.

“Herms,” he says, sitting down next to him, “Herms I’m sorry I’m not- I’m not laughing at you I swear.” Newt pauses and takes a deep breath, all trace of laughter gone. “Hermann, you have no reason to apologize. You have been nothing but perfect this entire weekend. Seriously.”

Hermann relaxes a little, but still looks uneasy. Newt continues. “I’m the one who really needs to apologize. I roped you into this and forced you out of your comfort zone, and then I just stormed out and left you alone with my family. I’ve been a really shitty host and friend.”

“Newton,” Hermann says, leaning in slightly, “I was more than happy to do this for you. You should know me well enough by now to know that if I don’t want to do something, I won’t.” The corner of Hermann’s mouth twitches upward briefly. “Will you tell me what’s wrong? Why did you leave so suddenly?”

Newt freezes. He could lie, tell Hermann what he told his uncle, but he doesn’t want to lie to Hermann. Not when he’s looking at with such genuine concern. He could tell him to drop it, and Hermann probably would, but he wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer. His only other option was to tell him the truth, but that terrifies Newt. Newt turns away and looks down at his hands. He bites his lip as he weighs his options, the silence growing between them. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want t-”

“I love you,” he blurts out. 

“I- you-,” Hermann stammers out.

“And I’m so fucking sorry.” Newt’s voice cracks and his heart hammers in his chest. He can’t bring himself to look at Hermann. “I know you don’t feel the same way, and I really don’t want to ruin what we have, but I can’t lie about it anymore.” Tears threaten to spill. “I ran because I couldn’t handle hearing you say those things about me when I know you were just doing what I asked. I just-”

“Newton,” Hermann interrupts, and Newt has to stop and look at him because his voice sounds so broken. Hermann looks like he’s about to cry. “Don’t presume to know how I feel about you.”

Before Newt can respond, Hermann’s lips are on his. The tears do fall then, and Newt pulls him close and clings to him, kissing him back. They reluctantly part for air, but Newt keeps Hermann close, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I never… Out of all the things I saw in the drift, I never saw this,” Hermann says. 

He searches Newt’s eyes, as if he’s still seeking confirmation that this is real. Newt can’t have that. He cups Hermann’s face and kisses him again. It’s slow and sweet, and Newt pours every ounce of love into it he can muster.

“I didn’t see anything from you either,” he says when he pulls back. “That’s why I was so afraid.”

“Oh Newton,”Hermann says, wiping the tears from Newt’s eyes. “I have loved you since you sent that first letter.”

Newt thinks how they could’ve had this since that first meeting, if he hadn’t been such an ass. An entire decade of missed opportunities. But he doesn’t dwell, because Hermann is with him now, kissing him and pulling him down so they’re laying on the bed, and nothing else matters.

They take a moment to adjust, and Newt straddles Hermann and deepens the kiss. Hermann groans into it and Newt takes the opportunity to slide his tongue over Hermann’s, shivering at the contact. Newt grinds his hips against Hermann and whines when he feels that he’s already half hard. 

Hermann grips Newt’s hips, keeping him pinned to him. Hermann sucks on Newt’s tongue and Newt nearly comes from that alone. Newt breaks the kiss and starts kissing his way to Hermann’s neck. Hermann gasps and turns his head to give Newt better access. Newt sucks a mark into Hermann’s skin, and then another one when Hermann doesn’t complain.

Newt starts to unbutton Hermann’s shirt, leaving kisses along his chest as he exposes new skin. When he reaches the last button and the waistband of Hermann’s pants, he immediately starts undoing those as well. Another day he might have teased him, but he’s wanted this for too long, and refuses to deny himself any of it. As he goes to take off Hermann’s pants, Hermann grabs Newt’s hand.

He looks up and asks, “What’s wrong?”

“I- it’s… my leg…” Hermann averts his gaze.

Newt crawls back up and gently grabs Hermann’s face so he can look into his eyes. 

“Hermann, when I say I love you, I mean every part of you. I saw it, in the drift, remember? I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with, but I hope you can trust me with this. I want to see all of you.”

Hermann kisses him briefly before saying, “I do trust you.”

Newt beams and continues where he left off. He pulls Hermann’s pants down to his knees and runs his hands across both of Hermann’s thighs. He’s mindful not to put too much pressure on his bad leg, but he doesn’t shy away from touching it, either. He kisses along the thick scar, and Hermann sighs contentedly. When Newt reaches the top of it, he turns his attention to Hermann’s cock, which is leaking against his stomach. Newt licks it from base to tip before taking it in as far as he can.

“Oh Newton,” Hermann moans, running his fingers gently through Newt’s hair. 

Newt hollows his cheeks and bobs his head, forcing Hermann to bite his fist to avoid making too much noise. Newt pulls off briefly to tease his slit with the tip of his tongue. Hermann arches his back and tightens his grip, causing Newton to let out a filthy moan. 

Hermann looks at him and tugs again experimentally. Newton bites his lip to stifle another moan as best he can. 

“Shit, Hermann. Just— just keep tugging on my hair like that,” Newt says before ducking back down and taking Hermann into his mouth again. 

Hermann keeps a tight grip, but lets Newt decide the pace. He moans around his cock and feels it twitch in his mouth. He works his tongue along the underside, and uses his other hand to massage Hermann’s balls. That’s all it takes to make Hermann come with a strangled cry. 

“Newton. _Fuck, Newton._ ” 

Newt works him through it, swallowing everything. He pulls off with an obscene pop. 

“Hermann. Please touch me. I’m so close. I need your hands on me,” Newt begs, fumbling with his own pants. 

As soon as he gets his zipper down, Hermann sits up and replaces Newt’s hand with his own. He wastes no time pulling his cock out, stroking it expertly. Newt clutches Hermann’s arms and drops his forehead onto Hermann’s shoulder. 

“Oh fuck,” he whimpers. “Hermann. Hermann I’m gonna—”

It only takes a few more pumps before Newt is coming into Hermann’s hand, chanting his name. He takes a moment to catch his breath. Then Hermann noses his cheek, and Newt picks up his head to be met with a kiss. 

“I love you, too,” Hermann says, smiling so brightly Newt feels like melting. He goes to lift his hand when he remembers it’s still covered with Newton’s come. “I should, ah, go clean this up.”

But before he can get up, Newt grabs his hand and licks it clean. Hermann’s face flushes, clearly surprised by the action. “N- Newton…”

“Didn’t want you to leave,” Newt says, smiling shyly. 

Newt yawns, suddenly very aware of the time. 

“We should go to bed, it is rather late.”

“Good idea,” Newt agrees, tucking himself back in before getting undressed. 

He’s surprised when Hermann does the same, not bothering to change into proper sleepwear. 

“You know I get cold easily, so I expect you to keep me warm.”

“I can manage that,” Newt replies with a smile. 

They climb under the covers, and Newt immediately wraps his arms around Hermann’s waist, placing a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. 

“G’night, Herms.”

“Goodnight, Newton.”

**

Newt’s eyes flutter open, and he’s greeted with the view of Hermann’s sleeping face. Only this time, he doesn’t have to pull away. He doesn’t have to untangle his legs from Hermann’s. He’s free to just stare at his sleeping face. In fact, if he just leans a little closer…

He presses a light kiss to Hermann’s nose, and then another one. Then he moves to his cheeks, and finally his lips. Hermann stirs awake, torn between smiling from the affection and scowling because it’s much to early. Hermann buries his head in Newt’s chest, mumbling something. Newt runs his fingers through Hermann’s hair. 

“What was that?”

Hermann pulls back enough to say, “It’s too early,” before clinging to Newt again. 

Newt squints to try and see the alarm clock. He thinks it reads sometime after six. He should go back to sleep, but he wants to enjoy having Hermann in his arms. He leaves kisses along the top of his head, and chuckles when Hermann grumbles in response. He keeps doing it until Hermann looks up at him. 

When he does, Newt takes the chance to kiss him properly, morning breath be damned. If he’s finally allowed to kiss Hermann, then he’s gonna make up for lost time. He really means for it to be innocent, but then Hermann tilts his head to deepen the kiss and runs his tongue across his bottom lip, and Newt really can’t be blamed for what happens next.

Newt’s cock stirs, and he shifts his hips so they line up with Hermann’s. He whines when he realizes that Hermann is already hard. Hermann moans and grips Newt’s hips to keep him in place. He nips Newt’s lip before moving to kiss down his neck. 

“Herms,” Newt sighs. “I really want you to fuck me.”

Hermann’s head snaps up to look at Newton. His pupils are blown wide his face is beautifully flushed. 

“I mean… If you want-”

“Yes,” Hermann replies before Newt can even finish his sentence. He kisses him, their teeth clacking together from the enthusiasm. 

Newt laughs and says, “Okay, okay lemme just--” before hopping off the bed to dig through his luggage. He returns with a bottle of lube, and Hermann eyes is curiously.

“I- uh- I didn’t, like, bring this because I thought- I mean- I kinda just tossed it in there without thinking. But it’s a good thing I did, right?” Newt chuckles nervously. He doesn’t want Hermann to think he was being presumptuous, because he really wasn’t.

“Come here,” Hermann says, opening his arms and smiling warmly.

And that’s all it takes for the worry to drain from him completely. He climbs back into bed and wraps his arms around Hermann. He kisses his nose and says, “I love you.” And damn that feels good to say.

Hermann must think so too because he says, “Say it again.”

And Newt does. He says it over and over, peppering Hermann’s face with kisses, until he feels like he may burst from the happiness welling up inside him. Hermann cups his face and looks him in the eyes.

“I love you too, Newton. I love you more than I know how to express.” Hermann moves his hand to the back of Newt’s head and pulls him for a kiss while lying back on the bed. Hermann sucks on Newt’s tongue, earning a filthy moan. He runs his hands along his back until he reaches his ass and squeezes. He grinds their hips together, and they struggle to stay quiet. 

“Hermann-- _fuck_ \-- I need you to open me up. Wanna ride you”

Newt pulls off his underwear and tosses it aside while Hermann grabs the lube. He uncaps the top and coats his fingers, warming it slightly before dipping his fingers into the cleft of Newt’s ass. He teases the rim and Newt shivers above him. He presses one finger in, watching Newt’s face for any sign of discomfort. But Newt is gasping and writhing already, trying to push back on Hermann’s finger.

“Eager little thing, aren’t you?”

Newt nods his head. “Another one, please.”

Hermann adds a second finger, scissoring his fingers and stretching Newt expertly. He runs his other hand along Newt’s chest, tweaking a nipple. He’s rewarded with a whimper, and then a moan when he continues to tease.

“So sensitive,” Hermann says, almost reverent.

He curls his fingers _just so_ and Newt cries out, hips jerking forward. “Oh my god, Hermann, _right there!_ ”

“Sush. I don’t think the rest of your family would appreciate hearing any of this.” 

Hermann’s voice is stern, but he doesn’t stop fingering Newt. In fact, he adds a third finger, smirking as Newt bites his fist in an attempt to keep quiet. Small whimpers still slip through, but it’s much quieter than he was just a moment ago. Newt grinds his hips down on Hermann’s fingers, enjoying the stretch. But it’s not enough. He needs Hermann.

“I’m ready, Herms. Fuck, I’m so ready. Please fuck me.”

Hermann removes his fingers and tugs off his boxers. Newt grabs the bottle of lube and slicks him up, wasting no time sinking down on Hermann’s cock all the way to the root. They both groan, and Newt takes a moment to adjust. 

Hermann rolls his hips up, and Newt takes it as a silent signal to move. He lifts himself and sinks back down on Hermann’s cock, mindful of his leg but still setting a quick pace. He works his hips and Hermann throws his head back against the pillows, gripping Newt’s hips tightly.

“Shit. Herms. You feel so good. Touch-- ah!-- touch me, please,” Newt begs.

Hermann runs the tip of his finger teasingly along Newt’s length before stroking him properly. He also rolls his hips again, unable to match Newt’s pace but doing what he can. Newt falls forward, catching himself on Hermann’s shoulders. He kisses him to muffle his moans, which leave him unbidden. Hermann swallows them eagerly, running his tongue along his teeth. 

“Close,” Newt whimpers in between kisses. His movements become less coordinated as he gets closer to the edge, and he really hopes Hermann is close too because Newt can’t last much longer. 

Hermann pulls back and growls, “Come for me.”

Newt does, biting his lip to stifle his moan. He comes across Hermann’s hand and chest. Hermann works him through it, and it only takes a few more thrusts before Hermann is coming too, gasping Newt’s name. 

Newt collapses on top of Hermann, basking in the afterglow. He looks at Hermann, who’s still flushed and panting. It’s a good look on him, and Newt smiles when he realizes he’ll be able to see it all the time now. Hermann smiles back at him, pulling him into a hug.

The moment comes to and end when they remember the drying come between them.

“We should probably shower,” Hermann says, nose wrinkling in distaste.

“Yeah… Wanna do it together?” Newt asks, suddenly aware that’s an option. The shower is certainly big enough, and Newt really doesn’t want to be apart from Hermann longer than he has to.

“That sounds lovely,” Hermann replies. Then, after a beat he adds, “We’re just showering, though. I won’t be ready for another round so soon.”

Newt laughs, getting off of Hermann to gather his clothes. “Don’t worry, Herms. I won’t put any moves on you while we’re in there. But I am known to be irresistibly sexy, so I won’t blame you if you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”

Hermann chuckles and shakes his head, getting up to gather his things as well. They cover up with their clothes from yesterday, and head over to the bathroom. Newt starts the shower and still marvels at how quickly it heats up compared to the ones back at the shatterdome. He’s going to miss this. 

They step inside, and Newt let’s Hermann have the water first, like a true gentleman. Newt uncaps the shampoo and starts to lather Hermann’s hair. Hermann closes his eyes and sighs contentedly. Newt probably massages Hermann’s scalp for longer than necessary, but Hermann is enjoying himself and Newt is enjoying his newfound privileges as Hermann’s boyfriend. When he’s done, they swap places and Hermann gives him the same treatment. Newt loves the way Hermann’s hands feel in his hair, and the way he looks at him with such love and adoration. He reaches up to place a chaste kiss to Hermann’s lips. 

Once Hermann rinses out the shampoo, they wash themselves and step out of the shower. After they’re dried and dressed, Newt asks, “Ready to spend your first official Christmas as a couple?”

Hermann kisses the top of Newt’s head and replies, “I could think of no better way to spend it.”

Newt laces their fingers together, and they head downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are <3
> 
> Come say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cajynn/) and [tumblr](https://gambriz.tumblr.com)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I’m so sorry for the long wait for the final chapter, I got into such a writing funk and didn’t know how I wanted to end it, but I finally landed on something I’m happy with. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, and thank you so much for reading. This fic means a lot to me as my longest work to date, and your support is what kept me going <3

Newt feels as though he’s floating all morning. It’s thrilling, being allowed to touch and kiss Hermann without fear. Hermann still gets embarrassed by the affection, especially now that Newt doesn’t hold back, but he never asks him to stop, and he even initiates on occasion. A small peck on the cheek, running his hands through his hair. God sometimes just the way he looks at him, like he’s the only person in the room, in the world. 

When it’s time to open presents, Newt rushes up to grab what they brought from their suitcases. They decided to get everyone join gifts, since Hermann didn’t know Newt’s family all that well and it saved some money. Hermann and Newt also got each other gifts, and despite Newt’s tendency to snoop he truly has no clue what Hermann got for him. 

They open presents and chat, watching everyone get excited about their gifts. Newt put a lot of thought into them. He always does. There’s something special about the way a person’s face lights up when you get them the perfect gift. Especially when it’s someone you love. 

Hermann and Newt open each other’s gifts last. Newt waits with bated breath as Hermann carefully unwraps it. He would be the type of nerd who saved wrapping paper. 

When he finally unwraps it, he reveals a small frame with writing inside. More specifically, it’s a bit of code Hermann wrote for the first jaegers. It’s the same bit that Hermann sent in his letters to Newt all those years ago. Hermann stares at it and runs his fingers along the frame. His brows furrow for a moment before his expression gives way to surprise. 

“Is this…” 

“It’s made out of scrap I found from the first jaeger, Brawler Yukon.”

“Oh Newton.”

Hermann’s voice wavers and oh god are those tears in his eyes? If Hermann starts crying then Newt’s gonna cry and it’ll be awkward for everyone. The tears don’t spill, however. Instead, Hermann sets the frame on his lap to grab Newt’s face to pull him in for a kiss. Before he can kiss him back properly, Hermann pulls away. 

“Thank you. It’s perfect.”

Hermann hands Newt his gift, and Newt can practically see the nervous energy radiating off of Hermann. He wastes no time ripping into the wrapping, eager to see what Hermann got for him. Truthfully, he’ll love it no matter what. It could be a calculator— Newt wouldn’t put it past Hermann— and he’d cherish it and find a way to use it every day. 

Newt opens the box to find a set of metal guitar picks with his initials engraved on them. 

“I took some of the metal from the pons unit that we drifted together with to make these. I suppose we both had similar ideas for presents.”

Hermann looks at him sheepishly, like he’s unsure if he got him the right thing. This time Newt does cry, just a little, and hugs Hermann tightly. 

“These are incredible,” he mumbles into Hermann’s hair. He pulls back and wipes at his eyes, grinning from ear to ear. “You are so gonna regret giving these to me because I’m never putting down my guitar ever again.”

Hermann chuckles softly and replies, “I might be able to forgive you as long as you promise to serenade me while you do.”

The rest of the day is spent together, swapping more stories, catching up, and talking about plans for the future now that they finally have one. They have Christmas dinner early so Newt and Hermann can catch their evening flight back. Newt’s sad to leave his family so soon, but going back doesn’t feel lonely when he knows he has Hermann. They’re inseparable the whole way home, holding hands in the cab and sleeping on one another’s shoulders on the plane. 

Walking back into their lab in the shatterdome should feel familiar and unexciting, but it doesn’t. He knows they’ll still bicker, and he knows they’ll probably keep the line up. But now when they argue he’ll get to cross that line and kiss Hermann until he forgets what he was mad about. When he gets bored he can sit on Hermann’s desk and run his fingers through his hair. When they inevitably have to leave this place and get new jobs, they’ll go together, and that thought warms Newt to his core. 

As they sit down at their desks and get to work, he glances back at Hermann. When Hermann turns around they both break out into smiles. Of all the Christmas presents Newt’s received, this one is easily the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cajynn/) and [tumblr](https://gambriz.tumblr.com)!
> 
> If you like my work, and are interested in having me write something for you, check out [this post](https://cajyn.tumblr.com/post/176171554241/are-you-in-rarepair-hell-is-there-a-kink-that-you) on my tumblr and give it a share!
> 
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**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on twitter @cajynn :)


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